I have a severe problem with Superman Costumes

Posted 1 year, 10 months ago at 5:19 pm. 0 comments

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Okay. So I don’t know if I recounted my tale of getting my superman costume a few weeks ago, but that’s where this story begins.

In a Halloween store. I went there looking for just the top of a superman costume, just the shirt, (my costume is Clark Kent– I wear reporter clothes over the superman costume and whenever someone asks me who I’m dressed as, I open the shirt to show them the Logo. Awesome, right?) and I went to look at the Superhero section. Between the unfortunate Joker masks and the Overly muscled Spiderman suits (both red and black) were the superman costumes. There was the simple one, bright primary colors, logo printed onto the suit, no foam muscles (probably intended for people with real muscles), something that looked like a literal version of Superman’s costume in the comics. Then next to it was the Superman Returns one, with foam muscles intended to make your entire front washboardy, giant poofy foam biceps, darker primary colors, and a 3D logo on the chest. This second costume cost $49.99. However, there was a costume next to it, the same 3D logo costume with a big orange sticker that said “CLEARANCE: $9.99 JUMPSUIT ONLY.” Sure enough, it was missing the belt and the cape (The boots are actually cloth boots that just barely fit over my size 11 feet). Now, I understand the foam muscles, they kind of make the costume look funnier.

I then got about a yard and a half of red fabric and made it into a cape, because you really can’t have a superman costume without a cape.

The problem is that they seem to have designed the costume for someone with a different shaped body than me. The torso is too short and the legs are too long, resulting in a severely awkward situation in the frontal area, no matter how many pairs of pants I wear under it. The costume expects my chest and shoulders to be about 1 and a half inches wider on either side, because the foam chestpiece is way too wide for me. The costume still looks good (I’ll probably have to find a codpiece to remedy the pants situation), but it only looks right if I’m striking a pose. It’s a good thing most of the costume will be covered by the shirt, but I plan on wearing this costume more than once, and I don’t know if I want to strike a pose for however long I plan on wearing it. (Not to mention a possible codpiece.)

Anyway, that’s what I spent the last half hour doing– Making a cape and drinking a Dr. Pepper in a superman costume.